It Didn't Work

It's been awhile since I have posted on this blog, probably because I've been busy STILL hoping, waiting, and praying for a second baby.

Let's recap on what's happened in the last 10 months. I really thought I would have a second baby by now or at least be pregnant with one. The pregnancy last April did not work out. My beta numbers continued to drop. The only good news was that it was not ectopic. I was only seeing the OB at that point, since we had gotten pregnant on our own. We made an appointment to see Dr. Robin, our RE, again.

At the consult, Dr. Robin told us that with the medication the OB had me on (Progesterone 3x/day, not Prometrium 4x/day) the pregnancy didn't stand a chance. (Although she said it in nicer terms). So, the plan was to do what we did last time when we had our sticky baby, Gabby. Clomid to induce ovulation, along with Lovenox injections and baby aspirin for the clotting, Prometrium 4x/day opposed to 3x/day for the embryonic toxic factor, and estrace to thicken the lining.

Good plan. Should work, right? Nope. We had a failed Clomid cycle in May. Even with the estrace, my lining wasn't as thick as it should be for a pregnancy to implant, probably due to the Clomid, so we moved on to Femara in June. Femara doesn't affect the lining, works just as well as Clomid for ovulation induction, and doesn't stay in the system as long as Clomid, which is good. However, a lot of RE doctors don't prescribe it because it would be "off label." Femara is primarily a breast cancer drug. My RE agreed to prescribe it, though. Although my follicles responded well, as with Clomid, it was another failed cycle.

Even though it had really only been two cycles with the RE, we were ready for some results, so when Dr. Robin suggested an injectable (Repronex) for ovulation induction, which is supposed to increase follicle production even more, along with an IUI, we jumped at the chance. Especially after hearing that she would give us a free sample of Repronex. Injectables are incredibly expensive, which is one of our hang-ups with them. Our insurance SUCKS. It doesn't cover fertility meds at ALL. More to come with that later. The RE had also added PIO injections during the 2ww (PIO= progesterone in oil= intramuscular injection given every other day in the rear end= NOT fun but actually Lovenox is worse).

Okay, so my follicles responded well to the Repronex adn we were really excited that the IUI would do the trick, especially with DH's awesome count. Nope. Another failed cycle. Devastated. I will always remember being in Florida for our "Family Vacation" in July and getting that BFN. Also, having some people during that time saying "Are you SURE you want two?" as their children ran around did NOT help.

Fast forward to August for another injectables plus IUI attempt. This time we went with Follistim instead of Repronex. We had to pay $300 for 900iu which is an AWESOME deal, though still expensive. The RE office had given us a list of women who had extra meds that they wouldn't be using and were selling for cheaper than what they bought it for. My follicles responded SO well to the Follistim that I had 5 lead follicles, which meant, if all fertilized, would be 5 babies. No thank you! We converted the cycle to IVF so that we could place back the number of embryos we wanted and wouldn't chance the 5. What a whirlwind decision! IVF?!!! Who would have thought?!! VERY expensive and out of pocket very quickly. There goes my inheritance money! We knew Grannie would have approved of the attempt to make more great grandchildren for her, though, so we were confident in our decision. We were SO hopeful that all this would pay off and work. It did not. Failed IVF attempt. I did, however, have to keep going for beta draws because my level "was not positive, but not negative." It was a 7. Pretty negative to me. They consider below 5 negative and above 15 positive.

We had a consultation with Dr. Robin to discuss why it didn't work (she doesn't know, it really SHOULD have worked) and she confirmed that I am infertile.

I took the rest of September, October, November, and December off. It was a nice break. No fertility medications to worry about, no TTC/2WW to fret about, just me and DH and our beautiful daughter. We enjoyed the holidays as our family of 3, dreaming that next year we will celebrate with another addition to complete the family. Whatever that meant. By this point, we were contemplating adoption. While we would love love LOVE to become pregnant again with another sticky baby, we know it is not the only way to complete the family.

January came all too soon and it was time to TTC again. More going back to the RE for ultrasounds, bloodwork, EXPENSIVE fertility meds... this time the Follistim from one of the girls on the list was $400 for 900iu. This is still a great deal, half off, but when paying out of pocket as a city-worker, after other failed treatments, EXPENSIVE! Also, the RE added yet another medication to the list...metformin! Metformin, while primarily for Type 2 diabetes patients to increase the body's response to insulin, is a medication that would "improve the egg quality" and they use it for PCOS patients. I do not have the syndrome, but I do have polysistic ovaries, so they thought metformin would help. Fine! Whatever will help! Give it to me!

They did decrease my dosage, but my follicles LOVE Follistim and responded well to it again. After the IUI (and another EXCELLENT count from DH) we learned that 6 eggs were released! 6?!!! That definitely increased the chance for multiples. I am not going to lie, I got very excited at the prospect! I would rather have multiples than none at all.

Well, towards the end of the 2ww torture, I tested because what symptoms I had due to the PIO injections were diminishing, so I knew it would be a BFN. Wrong! I was pleasantly surprised with a faint line! "I am pregnant!!!!" I wanted to shout from the roof tops. However, I knew it could all end, just like my previous 3 miscarriages, so I knew better than to do that. Instead, I went for beta draws, praying for high and doubling numbers. It didn't happen. My first number was an 84, which is low for 17dpiui, but I was still hopeful. Late implantation?! Though I knew in my heart of hearts what was about to happen. Sure enough, the beta numbers dropped. Miscarriage #4.

What to do now? We have another consultation with Dr. Robin next week. We have been through all the testing and the blood work, so I am interested to see what else there is... but in the meantime, it's nice to be on a break again. I love not having to think about it.

I really wish my body would cooperate and I could become pregnant again with another sticky baby. However, adoption is still an option...a journey we may be taking very soon. We are both over the fertility treatments and the impact of it physically, financially, and emotionally. We know adoption is no walk in the park, either. We are just open to any option that will give us our second forever child.